I haven’t reviewed an episode of Dog with a Blog for a few weeks. Now I’m going to objectively rank the top 5 best characters of TGIF sitcom/Dave Coulier vehicle FULL HOUSE.
Gia is by far the coolest girl ever introduced on Full House. She first shows up when Stephanie is a teenager and the show doesn’t know what to do with her because they already have like 5 teenage characters and all of them are way cooler than Stephanie. To combat this, Gia is introduced by walking into the girl’s bathroom and forcing Stephanie at gunpoint to try a cigarette. After this, the two become best friends. She bares her midriff and tries to trick her mom into banging Danny Tanner so she can inherit Wake Up, San Francisco! and become a media mogul. Unfortunately her plan is thwarted by, I don’t know, Nicky (but not Alex), and she is killed in a tragic car accident during Season 8. Stephanie does not attend her funeral.
Relevant Quote from the Full House Wiki: “She used to ditch school numerous times, and got her “friends” to ditch too”
Little Rascals Douchebag
This guy is such an asshole, he’s great. He’s introduced in Season 2 as Michelle’s friend after her other friend, Teddy, is struck by lightning, becomes the super-intelligent Smart Guy, and gets his own TV show. He’s a total shithead to everyone on the show and during the climax, he attempts to blow up Spanky and Alf-Alfa’s go-kart with a stick of dynamite. He was never convicted for the crime because’s he fly as shit.
Relevant Quote from the Full House Wiki: “He is also openly gay.”
The Beach Boys
The Beach Boys are awesome. Look at DJ in that screenshot, checking out some aged Beach Boy ass. They’re so cool, I won’t even hold it against them that they appeared on this terrible TV show like 300 times across 148 episodes. Maybe if they hadn’t been so involved with the show, they wouldn’t have done that episode where Uncle Jesse sings “Forever” or that episode where Uncle Jesse sings “Forever” or the episode where I throw my DVD collection of the show into a fire. It pains me to rank these guys so low on the list, but I only do so because Full House manages to dilute their surfy beauty with its own inane housery.
Relevant Quote from the Full House Wiki: “Steve tells Michelle a scary story.”
Jason Marsden voiced Max Goof, Binx the cat, and also every character ever put on screen. He played DJ’s rich boyfriend for a while on Full House while pursuing his dream of guest starring on every TGIF sitcom God placed on our television. I’m not ranking his character as the Number #2 best character on House. I’m ranking Jason Marsden himself. On a ranking of characters from any other show, including shows he never appeared on (of which there exist none), Jason would place #1 easily. Unfortunately, just like he had some stiff competition on Full House for DJ’s flannel heart, he was beat out at the last minute by….
Relevant Quote from the Full House Wiki: “Stephanie got Mr. Bear when her mother came home from the hospital with baby Michelle. This is revealed in the episode Goodbye Mr. Bear”
Because he has a magic carpet.
Relevant Quote from the Full House Wiki: “Steve brought him as ventriloquist dummy but the Winslows never seemed to like him and that Steve was unfunny to be a ventriloquist. When Steve fell asleep in his bedroom, Stevil was suddenly brought to life by a lightening bolt from the opening window and he came alive right in front of Steve. Though the Winslows didn’t seem to believe Steve when he told them that the dummy was alive.”
Look forward to my sequel post, The 5 Worst Characters of Full House, where I’ll call the dog who played Comet an asshole.